At Loose Ends

Well, the last edit is done (for now), and I find myself at loose ends.

I’ve printed off a copy of all five books, some of my coworkers expressed interest in reading some of them.

My boss, Cathy, took one home with her.  But it just so happened to be Bleeding Heart Yard, the one I like least (yet the only one I’ve been able to find a publisher for).  So I’m worried it will leave a bad impression on her of me as a writer.  Should have told her to read Getting Rid of Gary instead.  I dunno.

It’s been said before that writers are needy, and it’s true.  I really felt that today.  I really needed someone to read something of mine at work, but as soon as someone does I’m terrified they’re not going to like it.

Realistically I shouldn’t care.  If she doesn’t like it I just tell her “yeah, it’s not my favorite, either” and recommend a different one.  Or if she does like it, well, that’s great.  I mean, I still think it is an enjoyable story, just out of the 5 books I have, it’s #5 on the list.

Of course the needy paranoid part of me knows that if she doesn’t like it, she won’t give the others a chance, regardless of what I say.  That paranoid part of me wants to call her up, tell her not to read it, force her to start with a different book.  It’s the sort of dull feeling that’s haunted me since I left work.

The insane part of me wants to sneak into her house and steal the book back.

And it doesn’t stop there.  Gillian is supposed to be reading Trooper #4, and I get irritated if I don’t see her reading it.  What am I doing wrong that I haven’t got her gripped as much as Kathy Reichs or those True Blood books… sigh.

I wonder if legitimacy has anything to do with it?  After all, if you’re reading a manuscript you can’t help but think “amateur hour,” right?  That’s bound to make it just that much easier to put down and that much harder to pick up.

Would a published copy of Bleeding Heart Yard be easier for someone to read than a double spaced single sided manuscript with the exact same text?

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