Snookie from Jersey Shore has written a novel.
There is no God.
From the New York Post:
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, the “Jersey Shore” guidette who famously admitted she had only read two books — “Twilight” and “Dear John” — is now an author. Here are some choice lines from her new novel “A Shore Thing,” out this week:
* “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
* “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
* “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
* “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
* “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
* “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”
I quit. McDonnalds is now officially a more respectable profession.
Ah, who am I kidding? I’m just getting my second wind. 😉