The Wall

I haven’t posted in a while, and there are a number of reasons for it.

First of all, not much is going on. We’ve settled in, the apartment feels like home, and we’re looking for work. Not much has happened recently, and aside from the quest to get a decent 40-42 inch screen TV which will take place next Thursday, not much is on the horizon, either.

The other thing is I’ve hit a wall of mental fatigue. The kind of thing where you’re juggling a dozen or more projects, and somehow manage to drop all of them at roughly the same time. None of my job applications have met with so much as a response, my plans with the Globe and Mail fell through, no other papers were interested in it, I still haven’t heard back from Mundania Press about a freelance editing position or a book I’m hoping to publish (and it is many months overdue), even a few side projects seem to be on hold indefinitely. My agent didn’t really care for my last novel, which leaves me starting from square one all over again. In short, I’m tired of failure.

The wall.  I’m hitting it.

This is nothing new for me. My friends are well acquainted with these moments in my life. Heck, regular readers of the blog probably are as well. And the fact they’re well acquainted with this mood is depressing in and of itself, since it indicates how long this damned dry spell has been. It’s about this time that they either provide condolences, try to inspire me, or in the case of Mel Walker, tell me to get over myself. Which is, of course, the best advice, though hardly an easy one to implement. It’s one thing if you’re a boxer to get over losing a big match, or several big matches, but if you’ve never actually won a match for long enough you wonder if you’re even cut out to fight.

So a change of tactic might be in order. Over the long weekend I’m going to go over some of my better unpublished short stories, and some not-so-good ones, and take another crack at editing them, or put them to sleep once and for all. Then try them out on some magazines and see what happens. With luck, it will help get my engine revved up.

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2 thoughts on “The Wall

  1. We don’t need no education
    We dont need no thought control
    No dark sarcasm in the classroom
    Teachers leave them kids alone
    Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
    All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.
    All in all you’re just another brick in the wall

    Oops sorry wrong wall 😦

    Interestingly enough I have just been reading some very obscure and esoteric history. In it Dame Frances Yates (knighted for her contribution to renaissance history) discusses Albrecht Durer’s “Melancolia 1” (you can see it on Google images) a very famous engraving and completely contradicts most interpretations of it. Indeed her interpretation is probably the right one since Durer was known for esoteric (i.e. hidden) meanings. Yates points out that though the angel of melancholy appears to be brooding in defeat if you look closely she is smiling as if seeing a distant light. This corresponds to the cabalistic view that understanding must go through three stages of which melancholy is the first.

    It also alludes to that discussion we’ve had many times before that most truly creative people do suffer from clinical depression in numbers far greater than the average.

    You haven’t hit a wall you’ve just come up against it and at least your wall has two sides (AC Clarke “Wall of Darkness”;)

    Mel.

    ~O~

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